The (Rural) Urban Dictionary – Bumper Sticker Edition

By Travis Thompson

Driving up and down the roads this summer, we’ve crossed paths with a bunch of different Pickups and SUV’s sporting different bumper stickers.  Here’s your handy guide to interpreting what those stickers mean . . .

Costa – Dude has a 6 CD Changer in his ’98 F150 – it’s loaded with 5 Kenny Chesney CD’s and a Florida Georgia Line . . . He may wear skinny jeans . . .

Yeti – His coffee is in a $40 mug.  It’s probably French Roast.

Avery – He has 200 decoys he’s never used still new in the boxes, sitting in his garage.  He bought them on sale.  It was a really good sale.

Pro-Drive – His kids won’t be attending college.  He kills piles of ducks, though . . .

Ducks Unlimited – He still has to schedule a trip to hunt reindeer in Iceland that he bid on because he was overserved

Mud Motor Central – He owns a $40k duck boat.  He killed 2 ducks last year.

Browning – Listens to Luke Bryan on repeat.

Benelli – Paid $700 for his cowboy boots.

National Wild Turkey Federation – Legit hunter.  May need to schedule a trip to hunt turkeys in Turkey (due to being overserved)?

Pheasants Forever – Just kidding – they don’t have bumper stickers

United Waterfowlers of Florida – Legit Waterfowler.  May need to schedule a trip to hunt wood ducks in my back yard.

HeviShot – He’s single.  The G Loomis of the Ammo world.

Orvis – Do not make eye contact.  He’s like a cross-fitting vegan – you WILL end up in a 4 hour conversation about “Cesar Guerini” or “Silver Labs” . . .

RealTree/Mossy Oak – He bought his bumper stickers at Wal Mart

Bass Pro Shops – Carries most of his tackle around in a plastic shopping bag.  Can’t wait to tell you about the sale he just got on Columbia shirts.

Duck Commander – Nice guy. Believes in America and hard work and legacy and heritage and whatnot.  Can’t tell a Mallard from a Merganser.

GoPro – He’s 17 years old, and has a YouTube Channel with 6 million subscribers.  You will never be more successful than he is right now.  Or he’s 42 and in a mid-life crisis.  Potato.  Potato.

Gator-tail – He’s debating about the Stage 4 conversion kit upgrade.  It’s not a real debate.  It’s probably already been ordered.

Banded – He has a spelling test on Thursday, right after P.E.

Tanglefree – He has a spread of foam wood duck decoys that would rival most guys diver lines.  Legit hunter.

Hardcore – He has 9 different blind bags.  All bought on sale at Bass Pro.

Halo Waterfowl – He has the nicest jacket of anyone you’ll ever come across.  And an unlimited supply of hoodies.

Delta Waterfowl – Legit Outdoorsman.  Needs to schedule a trip to hunt wood ducks 3 miles from his house.  May have been overserved.

SmithOptics – He is cooler than you.  Also he fly fishes.  And snowboards.  If he’s not out shredding the gnar . . . Via con dios, bro . . .

Mack’s Prairie Wings – Has 4 pair of waders.  None of them fit correctly, but he couldn’t pass up those prices . . .

Mojo – Legit hunter.  But.  He’s spent $240 the last 2 seasons buying replacement chargers, as they seem to vanish into thin air.

Salt Life – In honor of my daughter taking the SAT’s, Salt Life is to Bumper stickers as tramp stamps are to tattoos, or Kenny Chesney is to music . . .

Engel – He enrolled in their pro staff while Yeti’s program was closed

Does any of this remind you of one of your bumber sticker sporting buddies? Let us know in the comments!

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